The pancakes of the DAMNED! No, wait, I mean DRUNK!

So.

Scientifically and objectively, some of the funniest things ever uttered by a drunk man were eloquently sounded by Jack Laskowitz (flatmate here in London) last night. Because he was drunk.

To elaborate, the night previous flatmates Greg Belatti, Austin Pauls, Jack Laskowitz, and Chris Reynolds, as well as Austin's girlfriend Meg Smith, took a jovial jaunt down to the Monkey Puzzle, a fine English pub with a particularly great moniker. While I had not participated previously in such verboten and illicit activity, I was swept up by the rush of adrenaline when we stole 9 pint glasses. During the conversation that preceded our larceny, they came up with the bright idea of seeing just how many pubs they could hit in some finite amount of time. The deal was struck, and Jack, Austin, and Greg agreed to set out at lunchtime the next day. (Note: pubs in England close at 11 p.m.) I decided not to participate because A.) It costs on average $4.5 American dollars per drink, B.) I had a paper to write, and C.) I'm a total square. L-7.

So the next day, the merry crew set out at abou 1:30. In the course of their day they hit 11 or 12 pubs (the number was later drunkenly debated) and finished up outside of the Wargrave, which is a pub just down the road from the flats. I met them there with Lesley, who agreed to come along and view the expected debauchery. We all went back to the flats where Jack proceeded to do what he always does when he gets drunk: makes pancakes. Greg fell asleep on the couch; Austin in his bed. Lesley and I helped/laughed as Jack made somewhere in the realm of 20 to 25 pancakes. Yet the best part was still to come.

Jack brought the pancakes out to a sleeping Greg, and just as one might help and coax a drunk friend to drink water, so did Jack attempt to convince Greg to eat some pancakes.

SCENE: Jack sits on the coffee table. Greg is asleep on the couch. Lesley looks on. Chris videotapes.

Jack: (In a stern voice, as though he's doing this for Greg's own good) Greg. GREG. GREG. Do you want to eat some pancakes? Do you want to eat some pancakes? GREG. WAKE UP. Listen, take the pancake that is in front of you and eat it.

Greg: (keeps sleeping, occassionally mutters)

Jack: Listen soldier, you're in the Navy--are you going to waste the food that's in front of you? (Jack eats a pancake) Mmm mmm, you know what this tastes like? The stars and stripes. This tastes like Tubman, on the Underground Railroad. Mmm.

Chris: (Takes a pancake) This pancake is crunchy. There are broken eggshells in these pancakes.

Jack: Greg, I eat this pancake, and it reminds me of Lincoln, freein' the slaves. Now do your duty, soldier, and eat that pancake!

Greg: (Eventually takes a pancake and eats it; eyelids half closed.)

This continues for a while. I filmed a lot of it using Jack's camera. Lesley and I tried not to laugh too loudly, so as not to disturb the natural flow of the scene. Later, Jack fell asleep on the couch. I tried to wake him up, to tell him to go to bed. He got up, took off his shoes, then fell asleep hunched forward in the sitting position. Eventually he just laid down again.

All in all, it was an episode of the best kind of drunkery: someone else's. I should really get those videos.